What is the question? Indeed. With such an attitude you should sail through every encounter, even against the wind. Yet, why don’t you? Why don’t I?
Taken the fact that words only account for ±7% of total face to face communication, you need to look at what makes up the majority: body language at ±55% and tone at ±38%. Even in telephonic communication words only constitute ±14% of understanding, while tone at ±86% plays the crucial part.
But that’s not all. You not only need to say “Yes” but be pretty quick about it – like 5 to 10 seconds max. James 1:5-7 puts it well. When saying “Yes” it could also be something like “Hello” – anything to stay the course, keep the momentum going. As important is showing your connection physically: a handshake, a touch, a hug. Despite trying, I fall short most of the time on both these actions.
As you’ve seen above, saying “Yes” is really only a small part of getting your message across. Your body language and voice tone give your real intention and state of mind away, no matter what you say. “Your actions speak so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
These are the real clues to what someone means, but the most difficult to read - certainly for me. And the next part is to be sufficiently sure about these non-verbal clues so as to act on it - in the moment. To complicate things even more, men and women are from different planets, so to speak. All the above is true whether you’re in a personal relationship, or interacting at work.
|Noëlline BRIENS at Arra Vineyards & Pulpit Rock Winery|
Spending six months with two girls in the office I certainly learnt a lot, but nowhere did I come close to getting it right all the time. Elvis Blue sings: “Sometimes we have to start again... Hey! Have you ever lost your way?... The sun will shine again.” I must say, with wine tasting being part of your job description it smooth most things out. Add to that cellar tours, winelands trips, roadside picnics and you’re on the right track. Don’t get ahead of yourself though, just relax and go with the flow.
The next is as important. Admit your mistakes – quickly. Apologise sincerely and set things right. Move on from there, forget and bury whatever caused the disharmony. Go forth, dance, sing songs of praise and do acts of love. Be more daring, act on your intuition and welcome surprises. Be less scared, have less regrets and bury the guilt. In short: You have a life. Live it!
So what are you and I supposed to do? Breathe deeply, exhale; and then focus on what’s happening right now in front of you. “Be present. It’s the only moment that matters.” Only then can you say “Yes” with conviction - whatever the question - and be ready to act on it immediately.
But without empathy you’re not going to get anywhere. This means: forget yourself, your own ego, put yourself in the other person’s shoes – your spouse, lover, child, sister, brother; client, boss, colleague. Reflect on what this interaction, date, task, project, means to them – why do they do what they do - because it is as valid as your reason. There are no right or wrong answers, only different points of view. Understand theirs, accept it and embrace it. Ruth 1:16-17 puts this more eloquently.
|Victoria RÉMY & Noëlline BRIENS in the Winelands plus Absolute Style Wines|
Final advice: Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. Don’t ever give up hope. Aim to win. Do all this boldly and with absolute enthusiasm! Bonne chance !
On a personal level, I agree with Coco Chanel: “A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” / « Une fille devrait être deux choses: chic et fabuleuse. »
1. Arra Vineyards plus Mullineux & Leeu Family Wines triplet; Champagne DEVAUX, Kanonkop Estate – Anton BLIGNAULT
Absolute Style Wines – Victoria RÉMY
2. Arra Vineyards wine tasting room & Pulpit Rock Winery barrel cellar: - Anton BLIGNAULT & Pulpit Rock Winery
Elvis Blue, “Shine” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iw5-hRZIoN0&t=213
JF Hillebrand SA
John Gray, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”
Noëlline BRIENS, FMS
Pierre-Samuel REYNE, Champagne DEVAUX
Romain LESAGE, FMS
The Holy Bible: KJV Ruth 1:16-17 & James 1:5-7
Victoria RÉMY, FMS
© 2017 Anton BLIGNAULT, Cape Town South Africa